Thursday, December 17

Where are we heading to...?

I was browsing through the calendar. And I was shocked and terrified. Woo! The new years coming! Oh…my…Gucci…A year had passed. I was a little panicked at first. I sat down. Laying my body on the bouncy bed. And started flash back the entire main event which occurred around me. Oh, well. I’m not going to narrate what had happened to me all the years. Maybe later.

Ever since I was a very young kid, I questioned my mom. What is this life all about? Frankly, what am I doing here anyway? And my mom has a no-more-question-asked answer. “It is for you to find out dear…” She whispered. I made a face. And my mom bent her lips, smiled at me. It was unsatisfied. Guess she’s right in a way.

I always thought that life model is like this. Or at least I was told that life model is like this: SCHOOL+COLLEGE+UNIVERSITY+GET A JOB+MARRY+FAMILY+RETIRE+DEATH= LIFE. Is it all? *sigh. Life is predictable and boring. After I graduated from high school, I started my quest to find the true meaning of life. As for me, life is about finding the answers.

I searched high and low for the answers…But as a day went by, I came home with more questions. The more I search for the answers, the more I found new questions. I tried to ask Imam at my hometown Masjid. But he told me don’t asked too much question, just follow the teaching. As he feared I will be a blasphemer. When I was in school, I was asked lots of question instead of asking one. There was Ujian Bulanan, Peperiksaan Akhir Tahun, PMR, and SPM. I was confused. Aren’t we supposed to ask questions? Not being asked? How I’m going to learn when I can’t question things around me? The teachers said I’m not supposed to question things, I’m supposed to follow things.

I was never agreed with them. That’s whys I hate school. They punished whoever made mistakes instead of correcting them. They love to judge and isolate the culprit rather make sense out of the mistakes. They don’t want us to think. They just want us to follow. Zipped your mouth. Save your thoughts to yourself. You to need to focus on your study. You need to score your exams! Why? Because it would ensure a brighter future if you succeed in academic.

When you scored a straight A’s, you will have a chance to be medical school. And you will be a doctor after you graduate. But…I don’t want to be in med school. I love math and calculus. Its ok, you can take a math course and become a math lecturer. But…I want to be musician. It was always my passion about music. What?? Are you insane?

If studying what I love to study is insane, yes I am. If I don’t want to be what I’ve studied is insane, then I am insane. I always am…

And then again, they told me just to follow the life model. Get a decent job, they said. Secured a monthly paycheck. Wait for the increment. Save your annual bonus. Apply for a house loan, car loan and get a life insurance. In other word, enjoys your life being debt slave! You spent your whole life working just to pay all your debts! Every end of the month you wait for the paycheck. And you started to do your financial budget. You limit your spending. You can’t afford what your dream of because you don’t have enough money to buy it.

Eventually you will think life is not fair. Life is pathetic. I studied so hard back then. I slammed my head on the table until I scored my test. I’d do anything to get promoted. I’ve done everything that I should do. Nothing seems to be wrong. But why I’m not going anywhere? Why am I still struggling to survive? Where am I heading to? Frankly speaking, NO WHERE. We are heading to no where. We are just wondering around.

No destination. No goal. No end. It is called RAT RACE. And we are all in a race without a finish line! What should I do? If you asked me, foremost, define your existence. Have a dream. Have an end in mind. As for us muslim, we believe in afterlife. We need to plan our journey to akhirah.Put the akhirah before everything. And make sure the dream is parallel with akhirah. Use your dream to achieve what you desire the most at akhirah.After that, you will see the neon sign. EXIT. Out of the rat race and live your dream.


Takeey @ Adin said...

I was in great dilemma when i wrote this entry...aku nak melatih diri mengarang dalam bahasa. Tapi bila diamati, takpe lah. Sekali sekala. Nanti berkarat plak vocab and grammar aku. HEHE. PEACE.

Natasha said...

nice entry. baru saya tau awk ni sgt byk monolog dalaman. i'm totally not like u, perhaps, not yet. now n before, im a follower...always a follower. i hate to make decision. i want everything as it should be. xnak jd alien.hehe, wp sumtimes being alien is much3x better.

xsalah sesakali tulis in english. at least u improve the readers. chaiyok!


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